Monday, 15 June 2009

One in Three

"I am a one in ten, a number on a list" (UB40)

According to today's headline from The Age, which I have had the pleasure of reading while sitting at the doctor's waiting room, one in three Victorians is estimated to be infected by the Swine Flu virus. I was wearing a mask and I was surrounded by people wearing masks, which made me laugh given what I have read on the effectiveness of these masks. So yes, I was looking forward to hearing the doctor's estimate of what it is, exactly, that I'm suffering from; preferably something more exact than the regular "oh, you've got a virus".
Sadly, it looks like I will never know for sure. Victoria has given up on the containment of Swine Flu a fortnight ago, and since then they don't bother testing it anymore (instead, they're supposedly keeping an eye on the pulse and targeting those in particular danger; yeah, right). However, the doctor had to admit that given the description of my symptoms and his own readings, it is a safe bet that the virus I am now carrying and manufacturing copies of at despicable rates is, indeed, the Dread Pirate Roberts (sorry, I meant to say Swine Flu).
So, how is life this side of a suspected Swine Flu attack? Well, as they keep on saying, it is a mild case of a normal flu. I do have all the regular flu symptoms, but they are on the milder side of things; I am able to get out of bed, although you won't catch me playing football. Come to think of it, I'm even able to play FIFA on the PS3 to one extent or another, which is a rarity for me when I'm sick. I, personally, never seemed to have a fever this time around, but I'm definitely hit; the biggest pain of it all has to be my blocked nose: I cannot recall my nose ever being as blocked as it is now. Indeed, after a few very interrupted nights where I kept waking up because of some weird side effect that comes with breathing through your mouth, I just gave up and used a nose decongestant. Problem is, you can't use them for more than three days, so I don't know how long I can party for.
Overall, I can clearly see why Swine Flu is as contagious as it is. Between some very meaty coughs and a nose that feels more like a tap, I seem to be releasing the virus at a rate that even Chinese manufacturing would be proud of. I'm pretty sure one of these agents will be tapping your door soon; together, we can improve that one in three ratio.

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