Friday, 17 August 2007

E.R. - Gerin Oil

A few weeks ago, while Jo was still entertaining the idea of breastfeeding Dylan, we went to the hospital that’s right next to where we live for her to have a session with a lactation expert.
It’s actually quite good to have a public hospital next to where we live with an emergency room: I remember when studying optimization models back in uni and we were presented with data on mortality rates based on the distance from a hospital. The conclusions there were pretty horrible to those living more than 15 to 20 minutes away from an emergency room.
Anyway, as we stepped into the hospital for the first time, we were stopped at reception and told to go to a nearby room in order to have Dylan registered. So we went over to a nearby room in order to have Dylan registered, and the first question we were asked there – before “name” and such, and immediately after the obligatory “good morning” – was concerning the baby’s religion.
Now, allow me to ignore for a while the very important question of how a baby can have a religion in the first place given that it is totally incapable of anything other than eating, crying and doing the opposite of eating; instead I will just simply ask, why does the question of religion matter in a public hospital located at a secular nation?

I can imagine it pretty clearly.
George Clooney sits on his chair, anxiously waiting for the critical patient to arrive. Suffering from a heart attack, the patient has stopped breathing, and is in desperate need of a good zap to revive him.
At last, the ambulance arrives. Doors get kicked open and the almost officially dead patient is pushed around through the emergency room and into Clooney’s open arms.
And then: “Wait!” shouts the sexy nurse as she rushes into Clooney’s open arms (open, because they’re holding the zapper): “The patient’s name is Mohammad Christian Cohen. How do we know whether to zap him while he’s facing Mecca or facing Jerusalem?”
“Oh no!” shouts Clooney in retaliation, at which point we go off to another commercial break. Tune in next week to the next episode of E.R., “Gerin Oil”, to see what fate beholds our surely dead patient and which nurse will end up in Clooney’s bed this time around.


Wicked Little Critta said...

So how did Dylan respond to the question of religion?

Moshe Reuveni said...

Well, obviously he was asleep in his pram when the question was aired.
However, if you want a poetic answer that would summarize our opinions with everything that is Dylan in it, then have this: he farted.