Friday, 10 March 2006

Half of the time we're gone but we don't know where and we don't know here

As I sort out my papers and my files at the office and all the typical kind of things one ends up doing a day before leaving his job, the weird things I end up stumbling upon make me think of the place I joined more than three years ago, the place I am leaving now, and what happened to me during those years.

Reminiscing is inevitable. I look at the files on "My Documents" and I see the PDF brochure prepared by the real estate agency for the house we bought, or the Word document of our wedding invitation. I see lots of letters for the newspaper, letters of complaint, photos from our trips, and stuff emailed by friends. I see all the documents I have written; some of those would definitely silence everyone who complains that my blogentries are on the longer side of things.

There's no doubt about the fact I am a very different person now to the person I was three plus years ago. Then I was still a full blown Israeli who just recently moved across the world and is traumatized by his losing war to find a job and settle down; I had lots of worries in my life throughout, but for the first time making ends meet was not something I could take for granted. Things are different now; the experience has made me much more of a socialist, but things are going well overall. I am no longer a stranger in town, but rather someone who is quite aware of what's going on around him, even if I will never fully blend in to the local culture. For bringing about these changes in me, I will always be grateful to this job, this company, and the people I have worked with.

On the friends front, which is of extreme importance to both Jo and I given that the only relatives we have here are my brother and Wabby the dog, it is definitely worth noting that the only real friends we have in Australia are people I got to meet at work (although that observation may vary depending on your own personal definition of the term "friendship"). This goes to show two things: That my work has made a big difference, and that Jo & I are shit in making friends (although I believe that one cannot just become a friend with another person without going through something together, and work provides this something).

Things are not that rosy when I look at the professional side. Although my current job takes the crown of "long serving job" from my airline career (3 years and 2 months compared to 2 years and 9 months), there are no doubts as to which of the jobs I ever got to have was the most fulfilling and the most enjoyable. At the airline I really made a difference, I could measure the difference I have made (and it was around $16 million USD a year), and as stagnated its environment might have been I enjoyed a special status there. In here, however, I still managed to do some lovely stuff in my first year and go down roads untraveled before in the realms of software requirements gathering and software testing, but rarely was I allowed to do things properly (and not so surprisingly, the more we did things right the more successful our work was), and all innovation stopped after my first year here. Since then it was all sequels and repeats, sending my motivation spiraling down, killing millions of my since unused brain cells, and leaving me wondering whether I can make it at a new place.

Which is where I'm heading with this blogentry: Will I make it?

I need a nice kick in the @ss to get me started with the right mood next Tuesday, because currently I'm still stuck in this nirvana like state I had for the last good few months (aided by the fact that during the last month there was zero motivation; notice periods are a pretty useless waste).

Statistically, it has been really hard for me to establish myself at new places: I tend to be paralyzed and not to be able to notice the need to change old habits once I'm at the new place, preferring instead to rely on old habits that may not be useful at that new place (and the problem is that it all happens unconsciously).

At the moment I'm troubled mostly by the fact I'm going to need to leave my car behind and use public transport, giving me less flexibility to do stuff I might need to do - personal errands of sorts. I keep thinking on whether I should read Scientific American on the train or listen to music through my PDA, or maybe podcasts would be better, or maybe audio books would be even better, or maybe I should get me an MP3 player with a radio? I keep thinking about all this shit instead of being worried about the new job itself and the things I'll have to do there just because I like thinking about gadgets and reading as opposed to working despite the fact the times call for lateral thinking.

I require this magical zap that would help me find myself.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

משה סחתיין על מה ששלחת לי מגניבבבבב